Yo solo queria hacer un comentario...

It’s been more than two months since the last time I posted something and as usual, I only write when there is something wrong with my life. How dramatic uh? Let’s get this straight, I am mad. I am sad and angry and I can’t change that right now. It’s that so hard to understand? Do we need to be happy and smiley all the time? I have the right to get angry sometimes, right? A lot of has changed since my last post. I went from I have all figured out to I have no idea of what is going to be. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to sound like the victim or anything like that; as a matter of fact, I don’t like feeling that way, but if anybody else asks me: what’s wrong? Again, I swear to god I will kill myself! (Okay, no!) But anyway, why do people feel like I own them an explanation? It’s not like is anybody’s business but me. I don’t like talking about this, the reason I don’t like it, is because I start crying as soon as I begin, and I don’t like it when people see me cry. (How many likes have I used? I don’t care) I know crying doesn’t make me weak, but I’m just tired of people thinking that I need to be handled with care or something (and by people I mean you). Yes, I’m alone now. Yes, I spent the last 5 years of my life building castles in the sky. Yes, I’m anxious and nervous, and scared about what’s next. Yes, I will probably spend my favorite time of the year without my favorite person. Yes, I have to start all over again. Yes, I miss you. Yes, but I know is temporary.

...

Me: What time is it?

Cousin: I don’t know, 6 or 7 pm maybe?

Me: The living room clock says its 3:35

(Me thinking: 3:35 it’s obviously not accurate so I go and take a look at the dining room clock)

Me: hmmm… Its 12:40 in the dining room clock.

Cousin: hahaha! Check your cell phone.

(Me thinking: its a good idea to check the kitchen clock too, just in case)

Me: I guess I’ll have too… (Looking at the kitchen clock telling me that its 8:55)

(Nana gets into the room)

Me: nana, I’ve wandered around the house trying to find out what time it is; what’s with the clocks in this house?

Nana: I kind of forget to put new batteries in them.

Me: In all of them?

Nana: hmmm… has the bus of the factory workers passed down the road yet?

Cousin: No that I’ve seen.

Nana: The bus usually passes between 5:30 and 6:00pm; if it hasn’t arrived it’s probably around 5:00pm...

(I finally go to the bedroom, open my purse, turn my cell phone on, and finally discover that is 5:35pm, I don’t have my cell phone on, because we don’t have signal over there).

Me: its 5:35! (yelling from the bedroom because my nana and cousin are in the front porch)

Nana: Yes, we know, the bus just passed by!

It seems like I get more inspired when I’m sad, troubled or depressed. That can’t be good. Happiness should be the biggest inspiration, right? But I have a theory. The thing is that, you get sad, troubled, or depressed, when you have too much spare time in your hands. If you are busy, or you have frequent activities to keep your mind occupied your brain stays away from the dark side, at least until your next period comes (Are you a man? Never mind, you’ll never know).

If you know me, or if you start reading old posts, you will notice that the darkest time in my life was last summer. I was unemployed, heart broken, and broken as well, as in no-money- at-all bankrupt. I think I got to the point where I needed professional help, but I refused to go and seek for it. I’m sorry and forever grateful with the friends and family that helped me go trough that rough path (You know who).

Things in my life improved and I have been on a rollercoaster of emotions ever since. As any normal person, I think. But nothing has been as difficult as those gloomy times. This summer has been totally different. I know, I know, summer its not over yet, and you can not get anything for granted, but I know the things that happen to me last year won’t come over to haunt me again. I am wiser now, I am prepared, but most of all, I am stronger than last year me.

This week was kind of eventful. That’s why, after almost a month with no posting at all I decided to sit and analyze what I experienced in the past days. I learned a lot about people and myself. I discovered that I, as many people have told me, am kind of naive, but I'm certainly not stupid. I tried to achieve “world peace” and I got war in return. I don’t mind, it had to happen that way. I found out that truth and secrets always find their way out. I learned that without wanting, trying, or expecting, you eventually get to see people’s true colors. It took almost a year for lie to be exposed, but when it finally surfaced, it helped me put the pieces of this puzzle called friendship in the correct place.

In conclusion, friends are people, people are not perfect. You have a lifetime to discover which ones are worthy and which ones are not… so worthy. Either way, you’ll have to take the risk and trust to find out. But, as any other thing in life, follow your instincts. Your mind knows better that your heart sometimes, but your instincts never lie; we just don’t listen as often as we should.

1. Rest: It is my intention to stay up late and sleep until noon, or later.
2. Love: With no commitments other than enjoying my free time, it is of great importance that I find varied and creative ways of seeing my loved one. (Meaning: not only movies, rented videos, and out to dinner).
3. Go out: This aspect involves family, boyfriend, friends, and Shopping sprees.
4. Get extra cash: Finding the way of getting some extra cash has been in my mind for quite some time now. The rule is, whatever the activity is, has to be completely unrelated to my actual job, that means, no classes, lessons, tutoring, or anything academic.
5. Renew my passport: I said I’ll do it as soon as I was on summer vacation, and they are here. Now I have all the time in the world to run errands, get the paperwork done; get appointments at any hour of the day, and whatever it takes to get my passport renewed.
6. Go to the beach: Get rid of the pale skin, please!
7. Gym: The goal is to be able to wear a bikini without feeling like Shamu. Be persistent and do whatever is not too unhealthy, in order to achieve it.
8. Meet with friends: Leave the antisocial tendencies and meet with friends at least two times a week.
9. Doctor Check out: This one is going to be difficult. The point is that I have to do it. I have the really bad habit of not going to the doctor unless I’m feeling really, really, sick; and I get sick every two years or so…

to be updated later...